My first blog is to act as an introductory blog – an explanation as to why I am writing this blog and what I hope to achieve.
On Thursday 3rd December 2015 I sat in yet another gynaecologists office, waiting to walk out in tears, requesting a second opinion from someone higher. Instead the gynaecologist walked in after a conversation with the lead consultant and said the words ‘you have PCOS’. After seven and half years fighting I finally had an answer to my problems.
To this day I can’t describe how I felt. Numb, maybe? I sat there not feeling anything; I didn’t know how to feel, what to say, I had the answer, and I didn’t know what to do. I was scared, I was overjoyed, I was confused, and as a person who is quite private with emotions I didn’t cry until I went to bed that evening. It took me about six months to really come to terms with the diagnosis. For weeks after I would think ‘they’ve made a mistake’, ‘I can’t have PCOS’, ‘what if they have missed something’, but I guess after seven and half years it takes time to come to terms with a diagnosis of a condition you will have for the rest of your life.
For a long time (from the age of fifteen to twenty-two) I knew I had PCOS. I’d read many articles, many symptom checkers, spoken to many people (non-medical) and I knew. But without a doctor saying ‘this is what you have’ you can’t do or say anything.
After my diagnosis I did what all modern people do, switch on the internet and go looking for answers, looking for support. I found many forums, blogs, articles and so on, all written by amazing women. The problem I found (and still find) is they had been diagnosed years ago, and had come to terms with their condition. All these women had a positive outlook, probably because they know it can get better (and I’m sure it can). On the one hand I love their positivity, I love their acceptance, but I haven’t got to that point. I still hate seeing myself in the mirror, I still hate the excess hair, I still have the worries, I still struggle with my weight, I still struggle to explain the condition and what it means for me. I’m not saying I haven’t gained some self confidence since my diagnosis, having that has helped me, but I feel I’m not at that stage yet to write the positives.
So I wanted to create a blog of my own, discussing the problems of PCOS, discussing the realistic expectations, discussing perhaps the more negative sides, but also a journey of self love, self care, acceptance, and understanding. I want this blog to be a blog women recently diagnosed can identify with because that hurt, upset, and self criticism that comes with PCOS doesn’t just disappear after the diagnosis, but also see a journey of hopefully wonderful things.
I look forward to writing more, hopefully helping others and raising awareness.